Desperation, lust, a waterfall, the memory of her sitting on my face, large blue beads from the African man at the Fairfax flea, love, dry mouth, masturbation, lovepain that makes you feel stupid, wood, wire, astroturf, cloth, hiding, redundancy, shouting out loud at a grocery store, not wearing a bra, lemon merengue pie, masturbation, ok, crying, tears, waking up with a wet face, astral projection, soul contracts, being “too old for this”, the same underwear for 5 days, depression, therapy, keys, forgiveness, so much blue